fun at work

Since I gave my coworker my stuffed Garfield, he's had to find other things of mine to steal. So he took one of my tennis shoes and made a photo copy of it, and then wrote 'help me!' on the copy. He hid the shoe, and put the copy on my desk.

It took me awhile to find the shoe. I now have the copy taped to the side of my desk, so I can read the "help me!" every time I walk into the office and it makes me smile.

(yesterday I hid his banana as revenge - he thought it was our other coworker! victory!)

Pheasant run

So, last week as I drove home a pheasant decided to commit suicide via my car. He waited until there was no hope of escape, and then flew directly into my grill.

There was an explosion. And I don't just mean feathers. I had blood spatter on my windshield - not ok.

So, he flops up on my hood, then settles back down on the front of my car. I wonder why he hasn't fallen off yet, but chalk it up to the fact that maybe because I was going about 70 (I didn't even try to slow down - it would have been pointless) he was stuck on. So I swerve back and forth. He flops back and forth. Still stays there.

I don't worry about it too much - I'm only about a mile from my parents' house, I figure he'll fall off when I stop.

I pull up to the garage, and slam on brakes, again thinking that a hard stop will shake Mr. Pheasant off my car. Nope.

So, I get out of my car to inspect the damage. Now three cats and a dog flock to the front of my vehicle to inspect the roadkill. I think, "hey, maybe my dog will yank it off there so I don't have to touch it." So I go inside.

I come back out about 10 minutes later - Mr. Pheasant still hanging from my grill. I sigh and realize that he's not coming off without a little help. (note: I was talking to my mom on the phone at this point).

I grab the bird and try to pull him off. No give. This is when I start to get a little concerned. I pull harder. Nothing. Keep in mind that this bird's insides have been almost completely destroyed. It was kind of gross.

So I have this conversation with my mother:

"Mom - this pheasant is really stuck in there!"

mom: "Well, get a knife and cut his head off."

me: "It's not his head that's stuck!"

mom: "Well, then cut his leg off!"

me: "I don't want to cut anything off!"

Yeah, his leg was shoved almost all the way up into the grill. I don't know how. I don't know why. But I can't say it really surprised me all that much. After a few minutes of fruitless effort, I start picturing myself driving 15 hours to Ohio with a dead pheasant flopping around on my hood. Classy.

Luckily, I was finally able to get him out, and as I do, my dad goes "hey, pluck it and take some feathers to your friends in Ohio."

Because that's what every girl wants as a gift at her bridal shower - feathers from the pheasant you mutilated on the drive out.

So, I was able to drive to Ohio pheasant-free, but my car still looked like I'd been part of a hit-and-run. Awesome start to a weekend!

conversation with Rachel:

Ray: anything you need before i head for the land of crap?

Candy: hmmmmm

about $60,000

and my own private jet so I can just fly back and forth from oheeeeo

Rachel: how does 6 dollars and a homemade hot air balloon sound?

Candy: hahahahaha

well, it's a start.

what?

Dumbest thing I've read so far today:

1) there is a "Rogaine" (Rugged Outdoor Group Activity Involving Navigation and Endurance)
2) this longest acronym in history is, "sanctioned by the United States Orienteering Federation"

maybe I'm just ignorant, but when I read this I said, "what? what does that even mean?" so then I looked it up and found 3) orienteering - "a competitive form of land navigation." - people do this for fun. not as part of boy/girl scouts, or basic training - just for fun.

wow.

Easter spoils...

So, I got the Easter basket as promised. It contained a Wii-mote gun (so now I just HAVE to get some shooting games....), assorted chocolatey goodness, a big-@$$ chocolate bunny, jelly beans, and a special Easter-bunny pen.

It's a 'clickers,' which means that when I push the button to get the ball point to come out, something magical happens. The bunny's cute lil' body pops out!

I literally gasped and then giggled the first time I discovered it. I then sat at the kitchen table clicking it up and down, giggling each time. (yes, I repeat, I am 22 years old and fully on my own in the adult world.)

My mom just looked at me and said, "awww, did someone find a new toy???"

Easter baskets!

I decided to go home for Easter since I hadn't been able to the entire time I was in college. So, the weekend before I'm chatting with my mom, and rather jokingly (but still hopeful) I ask, "So, Mom, since I'm coming home does that mean I get an Easter basket?"

Yes, I am 22 and on my own. I don't even care. Apparently, neither does my mom, because her response was, "Yep. I already have the stuff."

Best. Mom. Ever.

Indian time

Yesterday, we got a call about a fund raiser that a class of 8th graders from our community were doing a fundraiser with the local police department - basic premise, they "arrest" officers on made-up charges, and then officers have to pledge their ways out.

So, I go over to the department to take some photos. I got there 45 minutes after the event was supposed to have started, and nothing was happening (they run on Indian time out here...it's kinda like "island time," except more extreme.) The parent volunteer told me to meet them at another location in about 45 minutes, they'd be ready then. I gave them my number, told them to call when they were ready.

So, I wait. And wait. And wait. No one calls, so I call the location where they were supposed to be. JDC (the location) has no idea where the kids/officers are, wondered if I knew what time they were planning on coming? Nope.

About half an hour later, I get a call from this parent - to tell me they're not coming. Waste of an afternoon!

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Yesterday was such a good day - sun was shining, paper distribution went amazing, coworkers and I had a blast, got a head start on stuff for next week's issue, didn't get one of the migraines that have been plaguing me - just a great day.

Then, about 20 minutes before the day was to end, I spilled some coffee on my keyboard. I turned it over, let it dry out overnight, thinking, "well...just maybe it will be ok."

No. Got to work this morning, and a few very important (almost said "key") keys don't work, like: 'i,' 'p', '8' 'd'...etc.

This is a big problem when 90% of your job involves computers, and specifically, typing.

So, right now I'm using my coworker's keyboard. Not sure what I'll do when he gets back.

Oh my life.

(p.s. - Baloo got stuck on the roof again last night. And I am planning on mailing my "ass on the front page" incident to Jay Leno.)

Tinker Bell

One of my favorite activities in life is harassing my mother. She and I have always been extremely close, and we have similar senses of humor. I'm actually a lot like her. And, after having five children - all of whom are just as, if not more, ornery as I – she's fairly unflappable. So, every now and then I have to up the ante. This is one of those times.

We're in Wal-Mart, my mom's least favorite store. And every time I said the name of something, she thought that meant I wanted to look at it, so she would stop and look at me. This resulted in me running into her on several occasions, until she finally said, "Stop saying things - it makes me think you want to look at them!"

This, naturally, made me do the opposite. I started calling out the names of pretty much everything we walked by. (Yes, I am 22 years old and on my own.) She stopped looking after about the third time. Finally, we got to the clothes section and there were these Disney t-shirts. So, I call out the first one that catches my eye and yell "Tinker Bell!"

Mom, without even turning around says, "Candy, knock it off or I'll Tink your Bell!"

After I recovered from laughing, I said, "Wow. That's the best threat ever."

Mom, again, without looking at me, "I'd be a little more concerned if I were you - you don't even know what it means."

I said,

I love my mom!

Catch!

This happened last summer. I was living at home, trying to help out my parents. My dad was having some health problems and always has projects that need to be done. But, even at 63 and with myriad health issues, he's still Superman and freakishly strong. This is what happened when he decided we needed to move a 500-gallon water tank out of the back of his shop. Keep in mind, that anything in the back is obstructed by 40 years worth of junk, and directly in front, our model-A tractor that is all taken apart because Dad is fixing/repainting it.

So, here's the conversation that followed:

Dad: Alright, I'm going to go back here, and I'll throw it over the tractor and you just catch it.
(I thought he was kidding. He wasn't.)
Me: Sure, Dad.

*a few minutes later, after "catching" it*
Dad: Now, I spose you want me to come over there and help you.
Me: That would be nice.

So, upon hearing about this, my big brother has something to say about it.

Tony: In Indiana, we just use a net and a volleyball.

Oh, my family.

Cattin' around

Fun fact: when your cat makes a nuisance of himself batting his water dish around the bathroom while you're trying to unpack, it's his passive aggressive way of saying "I'm thirsty and there's nothing in here."

Whoops...

Fact: it is important to not add an extra 's' to the word 'as', else it detracts from the leading story on your newspaper's front page.

It gave my coworker great joy to point it out to me. I'm awesome.